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so hungee! soundtrack: mos def + talib kweli are black star, arab strap (mad for sadness), the white stripes (destijl) today i recieved the with-comments copy of my rough-drafted introduction back from my advisor. i am feeling good about it, but not good enough to sit down and read it all, and not good enough to write (i am currently having a huge amount of trouble typing correctly). so i procrastinate. i do my german homework (oh!), i write emails, i change the html of my diary (many thanks to the master behind wicked designs - your aesthetics are fantastic.), i get tattoos, i see art lectures. as if it was not already evident, i got a tattoo on monday. ah, the things we miss. it is a clothespin, pictured here: this is my 'you can do it!' tattoo. when i have a diploma, i will get the 'you did it you bastard!' tattoo. it is a beautiful design my charles rennie mackintosh, the scottish art-nouveau architect. i love it. and it even has color in it, which is something my current ink lacks (black and red, black and red, i cannot escape those two colors!). i even went shopping to forget my worries. sunday night was bad, though. i had a panic attack, one of many, and cleaned my room and threw out a lot of stuff. i freaked out, really. moving things around, sweeping the floor with a small brush /pan thing (as opposed to a broom...). i got into bed and could not sleep, could not stop moving. everything was a problem, everything was fucked up (in a really fast way) in my head. the boy was good at calming me down, but then i got REAL sad - the kind of sad where i do not know where i am going, what i will do, who i will know, where i will live. will the boy move away? will he not want to be with me anymore? will he fuck other girls? will i fuck other guys? - this i did not bring up with him... i am scared of doing such things, of the way it will come out (sorry, this is getting a bit much, but i am still freaked from the experience). so at any rate, i am sane, i am here, i am finishing a thesis (hopefully) and then i will go take an art class in chicago, then come back here, work on the cafe, create a new paradox east with char and andy. i will be ok. for now, i am hungry. and i have a thesis breathing down my neck, which is impressive, because it is a stack of paper, and one would not think that paper could breathe but believe me, it is heaving in that stack next to me, making me nervous. |
i love the shape, the flow of it. it is on my left forearm, on the underside/fleshy part. flink suggested getting the 'modern' clothespin in the same style on my right arm. maybe someday. the pin is about four inches long, solid black as in the image. i love it. i am taking good care of it, though i know i will have to get it touched up. 