ich bin dran!
2002-04-11

soundtrack: sparklehorse

so now i am a little less than sane, what with this thesis thing crawling down my throat. if you have ever been in a situation in which the amount of stress you are feeling becomes like an ugly sweater that you can't get rid of but for some ungodly reason still wear, then you are familiar with how i feel.

my sister is coming for renn fayre. this is exciting, because she has never been out here. however, there are several possiblities on how things may turn out. one way is that she will arrive and i will be shitting myself because my thesis is not done. or, when she gets here i will be finished and therefore high as a kite for several days straight. either way, i think i will send her downtown to powells and let her run around there (she could stay there for days and be fine, i am sure of that).

at any rate, i am excited that she will see thesis parade. for me, thesis parade has always been something really amazing, this etherial madness that makes me want to cry. the crying thing did not start until i was a sophomore, because as a freshman i had not real clue as to what it meant, that those kids were going crazy and burning paper and getting sprayed with champaigne. i had build a CHVNK 666 bike and covered my bunny ears in tinfoil and rode through the parade with the other bike kids, making noise and causing a ruckus. i battled jamie in his robot suit (robot bunny vs robot robot) and won (there is a slight disadvantage to being in a box). i did not pay attention to my surroundings. but then, the next year, i realized that this was a big deal, an amazing thing. i saw my good friends succeed in handing in their theses, i saw them scream and cry, hug eachother and spin in circles. then again, junior year, i saw my housemates finish, having watched them deteriorate and stress, and then release all that stress and anxiety and fear in one final thrust. throwing paper into the fire, throwing their worries away.

now, there is no turning back. i can not stop what i have started, but with the thesis parade i can finalize it, declare to all that i am no so stupid, that i am competent even though my experiment did not work. i can scream and yell and cry my fucking eyes out. and my sister will see my past four years in my face. she will finally understand what i constantly bitch about, and she will see that i and my friends here are hard-fucking-core. haad koa. rawk.

so, yeah, i am excited that my sister will be here. also so will the FBI, apparently, which is not so hot. they are concerned with Reed, because there are not enough problems in this world that they need to deal with that they must come here and make sure that we are not selling or buying narcotics. ferchrissake, it's silly. really silly. everyone will be on edge, more people will freak out, more madness and suspicion will ensue. i am thinking i might want to have some of my renn fayre somewhere else, maybe at a park or at johnson creek or somewhere where i will not be dealing with crappy freaked-out freshmen. eh.

what the hell.

i have a discussion to write. a short discussion.