|
my brain is made of egg! sounds: oh, the sweet musings of more and more and more 80's rock i think working across the street from two car dealerships is slowly warping my mind. i am somehow convinced that i could own/lease/buy a new car. why? god knows. i have, maybe, $1200 in both savings and checking. i make $9.50 an hour. i can barely make rent most months, and an intense fear comes over me when i think about transferring from savings to checking. christ! if i didn't have a savings account (no matter how small) i probably would pee myself on a (more) regular basis about money. it is hard to watch all of my friends and loved ones be so broke. i want lots of money so that i can fly my friends out to visit me, so i can buy my boyfriend skateboards and video games, so i can buy myself a freaking gas sucking car. whaaaa? consumer culture is fucking horrid. it makes my brain hurt thinking about all the things that everyone wants me to buy, and then i want to create a business selling things? handbags and stuffed animals. no one wants that shit. no one needs a denim handbag with snaps and deorative geometric shapes. yet that is the only thing on my roster. getting back to the car thing, whaaaa!? why do i want this so badly? an deep-seeded desire to be in debt? the thought occurred to me: my mother is currently being the best parent in the world and is paying off my school loans. what if i trade that for car payments? whaaa!? i am so selfish, stoopid, lazy. what the hell is wrong with my bike, other than the fact that i can't go to the coast, or the mountains, bla bla bla. my life lately has been shrouded with insecurities and an underlying sense of stagnation and desparation. beautiful! |
