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the end of an era so, the past week or so has been good to me. i got a job and promptly quit, because it fucking sucked. no more needs to be said about that one. i got nekkid with a hot boy, whose name is cale. (unashamed, unabashed. i'm letting it all out today because this is the end of my public endeavor. more on that later.) cale is sweet, if not a little wacked, a percussionist / vibraphone player for joan of arc. he left for a month-long tour yesterday. go see jean of arc and you may catch a glimpse of him! ha! too bad i fucking hate that band. there was a kiss goodbye, not much else. lord knows i don't need another fucking boyfriend. bad signs: he uses his middle name and is a cancer. but he's tall and skinny and has blue eyes and really strange fingers. we drank a lot of whiskey and groped for a few hours in his tiny bed. no bone, though not for lack of trying. what did i learn from this? i am by no means out of the game. rather, i have just entered it, and am ready for more. i wrote a long and involved entry that was promptly lost by the gaping maw of the internet, but the basic gist was that i am sick of the past few months haunting me. i am ready to cut off all ties, including all those pesky internet connections. i am ready to forget that i was treated like an asshole for being a "victim". the perpetrator had a big fucking head, leaving with the notion that everyone loved him no matter what he did to me. so fucking what. he can stick his fucking fist up his ass for all i care. okay, so all this anger and boiling seething mess in me is clearly not 'i'm over it' dialogue. no. i am not over it, but i am also no willing to adhere to the old addage that it takes the same amount of time to get over a relationship as the length of the relationship, so 4 years in love = 4 years mooning over love lost. FUCK THAT. this particular boy is not worth the mental strain. i will work through it, maybe forgive, but never forget. in the mean time, i am excited to know that i've got it in me to hook up with a guy, play it safe, and walk away with my libido satiated and a grin on my face. i am a fucking lady. a city girl with no time for boyfriends or bullshit. bwahahaha! i am starting work at earwax cafe, a nice little joint in snazzy wicker park with a movie rental area downstairs and restaurant upstairs. my housemate of 5 years ago worked there. i am happy about this. income is nice, yes? drew is coming to visit this week, and jeff is coming soon as well. char will be here in may. melinda is returning from south carolina next weekend. i want to go to massachusetts soon, maybe take the train. it is like spring here, 60 degrees and sunny, a reminder of what is to come: bike rides until 5 am, sitting on the beach or in a park, getting the sun and reading the magazines. it will be good, so you don't have to worry about me. this will be my last entry for a while, a long while maybe. hope that my readers (both of you) will forgive me for leaving this part of my life behind. it's connected to bad shit, right? so i'll put it away, shelved alphabetically with ex-friends and college as a girly pasttime. comments? questions? suggestions? i am emailable at [email protected] so long and thanks for all the fish, kit, aka fearoftrains (no more) |
